My first pregnancy was life-changing. The feeling of a life growing and developing inside my body was so beautiful, so natural. I researched, I followed development charts, I perused name books, posed for regular bump photos, and loved each blissful step closer to the welcoming of a new life into the world.
The first year with my new baby girl was quite possibly the best year of my life. I had discovered a love I had never experienced before - watching my heart walk around, growing, learning her first words and taking her first steps - and I was convinced that it was not possible to love another child as much as I loved her. For a short while, I had even convinced myself that I didn't want to have anymore children, simply because I thought my heart was completely full of all the love I had to give.
I had always wanted to have 2 children, but I was afraid that it wouldn't be the same the second time around. When my girl began to ask for a baby brother or sister, I started to realize that the decision to have another wasn't just about me and what I wanted, but about giving my girl - my heart, something that she really wanted as well.
Hesitantly, I got pregnant again, and I must admit, the pregnancy was much different the second time around. I was still excited about the flutters in my belly, about the growth of another little person in my body, but I had done it before, it wasn't life-changing, it was familiar.
I spent many nights laying awake, worrying about what life would be like with a second child. I worried about the time it would take away from my little girl. I worried that I wouldn't love this child as much as the first, wouldn't feel that same maternal bond as I had felt the first time I laid eyes on the one who had made me a mama. When I found out I was having a boy, my mind was flooded with even more worrisome thoughts. What do I do with the boy bits!?
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| He looks as scared in this pic as I did when I was about to have a second child! |
I have a lot of friends who are thinking about baby #2, or who are pregnant with their second child, and they are having the same worries as I did. The truth is, the second pregnancy will not be as thrilling - but nothing is as exciting as the exhileration that comes with trying a new adventure for the very first time.
But when that second baby looks into your eyes as they take their very first breath of life, you will melt. Your heart will open up and your love for that second baby will match (if not rival) the first. Now that I have two children, each different, unique, but both loved equally, I laugh at the worries that once plagued my mind. How silly of me to think that my heart couldn't handle all this love!
While I am so thankful, and so blessed to have two beautiful children, there are some things that I discovered through the process, things that no one had told me.
1) My first born, my little baby who made me a mama, looked like a GIANT when I saw her for the first time after the birth of my boy. I was jolted into seeing her as a big girl - as if my "baby goggles" had been ripped off my face, and replaced with brand new "big girl spectacles".
2) I found two to be three times harder than one. I thought I would be a pro, that I would know how to do everything because I had done it all once before. But it's not the same. Every child is different, and my second was much more difficult in ways that my first had never been (exhibit A: the Terrible Twos - this time around is the first for me when it comes to temper tantrums).
3) Being a career mommy with two, is much more difficult, and more expensive, than having one. Getting two children ready and out the door in the morning is a a grind, and daycare is more than twice as expensive!
But despite those eye openers, and the trials and tribulations I've faced in the daily grind of my life as a career mommy of two, there is nothing that compares to my love for my kidlets, and the love that they have developed for each other.
My heart is full, and my life is complete. For those of you who are worried about the changes to come with a new baby on board, I promise you, it is totally worth it.
Aw ... so sweet. I know we won't adopt again but I would have that same fear if we did. My love is so overwhelming for my son it sometimes threatens to break me into little pieces. Then again, he might break me into little pieces before his childhood is done (!).
ReplyDeletePersonally, I loved the 2s and look forward to 3. I found 1-2 unspeakably difficult (running everywhere needing constant monitoring... crazy). So there ya go!
Thank you, Bianca! I've never really worried about loving a second child as much, because everyone says you do. In some ways I look at this as a fresh start; a chance to enjoy the newborn days that with my first I spent feeling so incredibly anxious and overwhelmed. I do worry about what the change will be like for Lilah, but I also know she will adapt (eventually!). My SIL mentioned the part about the first child seeming huge and cautioned me to consider this when setting expectations - just because she looks bigger now, doesn't mean she isn't still the 3-yr-old I was showing extra patience to yesterday!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I never really worried too much about these things... I've always been a one day at a time type person. Maybe it's because I always knew I wanted more than one and it was always going to come. I love seeing my kids together, it's so special.
ReplyDeleteI second everything you write about from how I was as excited for baby #2 because it wasn't as new to loving her instantly the moment I saw her.
ReplyDeleteThe daycare, the working - such a challenge in every way.
I think this post will help many mommies who are contemplating going ahead with baby #2!