"Good morning, Mrs. Bits. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves the survival of your morning routine. This will involve the waking, dressing, and feeding of your toddler, without the onset of a temper tantrum. Simultaneously, you will also need to do the same with your eldest child, while also successfully brushing through her tangled hair without tears. You have forty-five minutes in which to do so. This message will self-destruct in five seconds."
Mission? Completely unsuccessful. Every morning I awake with the goal of keeping a happy face, a calm voice and a strict and timely routine. And every morning, I quickly lose all restraint and "mommy voice" my way through it. My vocabulary doesn't extend beyond the "take another bite please", "stop teasing your sister", and "time out!" variety.
And combined with the treacherous evening preceding the said morning routine, is grounds for complete loss of sanity.
My single friends and childless coworkers frequently say, "I don't know how you do it, I can barely get to work on time on my own!". And you know what? While for the most part us career moms (and dads) are superstars, there are many times when we don't successfully "do it". We show up at the office with tangled hair thrown into a bun because we didn't have time to brush it. We wear flats because we had to carry our kicking toddlers into daycare against their will. And we may even continue to wear our long maternity tops to hide the tears in our pants, because we haven't had time to mend them.
We really are superheroes - we can survive and function with very little (to no) sleep, we can multitask like no other, and we have superhuman strength (exhibit A: our ability to wedge a thrashing toddler with an iron-clad arched back into a car seat), but there are some missions that are simply impossible. And keeping a toddler tirade in check for long enough to get out the door in the morning, is a mission I have yet to complete this week.