Thirty Three

For me, birthdays are like New Year's Eve - a time to look back on the year I've had, to think of new goals, priorities, resolutions for the year to come. Tomorrow, I start a new year, my thirty third year, and I'm excited for the new adventures this age will bring.

As I embark on this next year in my life, I thought I'd celebrate by sharing with you 33 random pieces of advice - things I've learned over the years:

1) Don't rub your eyes after having eaten hot wings.

2) Don't mix beer and chocolate milk (especially when you're allergic to chocolate).

3) Never pull down a pull-up on a potty training toddler without first doing a check (poo-valanche!).

4) Despite what you think, you are not always right.

5) When hemming pants, it doesn't work to measure by lying on the floor and drawing a line where you want to make the cut.

6) Don't ask a woman if she's pregnant, unless the baby is hanging out of her yahoo.

7) Don't make fun of names unless you are sure the people you are talking to don't have close relatives/friends with those names.

8) Four year olds are smarter than they look.

9) It's not cool to use big words when trying to sound smart, especially when you use them in the wrong context.

10) If you're going to brag about your spelling skills, know that raspberry is spelled with a "P".

11) Try on pants before you buy them.

12) Two year olds are stronger than you think.

13) It's not funny to re-enact the opening scene from Harold & Kumar when at an important corporate event.

14) If you don't know something, pretend you do and then Google it later.

15) Not everyone likes poo jokes.

16) Don't take any wooden nickels.

17) When picking up dog poop, make sure there aren't any holes in the bag.

18) Don't laugh when someone is holding a gun to your head.

19) Don't try to make jokes to avoid the awkwardness of a serious conversation.

20) Never brag about your baby who sleeps through the night.

21) When mixing drinks, know that 151 does not make an equal substitute for Malibu Rum.

22) Don't buy your daughter a snow globe if you have a toddler in the house.

23) If you have unruly bushy eyebrows, listen to your friends and let them pluck them.

24) It's not nice to pin your best friend's brother down and fill his mouth with Orajel.

25) Don't compliment someone on their Halloween costume unless you know for sure they're wearing a costume.

26) Make sure you're right about someone's name before using it when addressing them.

27) When going to a high school dance, dressing up as a carrot, or a dice, will result in you dancing alone all night.

28) Don't tell a long joke unless you're sure you know the punch line.

29) Don't make jokes about your love for meat when talking to serious vegans.

30) Be careful what you say in front of toddlers - they will repeat everything, especially when grandma is listening.

31) When doing an impression of someone, make sure they're not standing behind you.

32) Don't piss off a cat by buying a puppy unless you want him to shit in the middle of your white comforter.

33) Don't try to make a list with 33 items unless you have more than 33 minutes to do it.

Enjoying my final days of 32

Is anyone else enjoying the ripe old age of 33? Do you have any tips for a newbie like me?

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

This time last week I was here - enjoying my last days on a Caribbean adventure, just the hubs and I. While we had a fabulous time, nothing compares to the feeling of holding my babies in my arms after 10 days apart.

Many friends have asked me how I was able to do it, to leave my children for such a long span of time. "I've only been away from my kids for one, maybe two nights, and I could barely make it through - the guilt almost killed me!" they said. The reality is that it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I have the most wonderful parents who love my children unconditionally, who practically begged to take them during our travels - and knowing that they would be safe, loved and well cared for, made it easier for me to be away.

Now that I'm back, I find that I have more patience, that I relish in the things that once made me crack. It may not last, but it's good today, and that alone makes it all worthwhile to me. I have reshifted my focus, I've reset my priorities and I've refreshed my mentality, to savour the moments and let go of the controlling tendancies of yesterday.

Distance really does make the heart grow fonder!

I'm settling back into my regular routine, and with that comes participating in my favourite Monday meme - Monday Listicles with @NorthWestMommy - via @ZookBookNook. The prompt for this week is to share 10 of your favourite photos.

I've chosen to share 9 of my favourite photos (due to a restrictive collage layout) from my first week home after my vacation - via iPhone photo dump:

1) My dog, showing me in her own way that she needs some lovin'.

2) Couch snuggles with my little loves - mommy and me movie night.

3) Caught in the middle of a flash mob - you have no idea how excited I was!

4) My sweet baby boy, saying cheese over and over again, desperate for me to snap a photo.

5) My mom swiftly pulled out her bag of tricks at my cousin's daughter's 2nd birthday party!

6) A fabulous night of dinner and drinks with my best friends - they spoiled me with pre-bday gifts.

7) One of the best gifts: a full length adult sleeper, complete with feet, pockets, and a bum flap! Jealous?

8) Bouquet of yellow roses (my favourite) from my best friend of almost 20 years.

9) Movie date with my favourite little girl (Happy Feet 2 in 3D). Great way to finish off the week!

Am I Sexist?

When I had my first child - a baby girl - I decorated her room in pastel pinks and yellows, filled her closets with colourful dresses and shiny party shoes, and covered her walls with fairy princesses and ballerinas. 

When my second was born - a baby boy - I decorated his room with airplanes and frogs. His walls were painted in soft shades of blues and greens, and his closets were filled with jackets, jeans and sneakers.

I confess, when picking out toys for my children, I tend to default to the gender stereotypes - trucks and balls for him, and dolls and ponies for her. That's what they love, so why not please them with what they prefer?

Some might say that I'm being sexist, that I'm forcing my children into the gender stereotypes that were so prominently enforced in the early 50's. I disagree. My children's toys are stored in a shared toybox. I encourage them to play with each other's toys, and enjoy seeing my girl play pass with the football, or my boy prance around the house in his sister's oversized sparkly gold party shoes.

The reality is, when you visit the toy store, Barbie dolls aren't stored on the same shelves as Tonka trucks. My Little Pony can't be found in the same aisle as soccer balls and hockey sticks. I don't expect my son to be a sports fanatic, and I don't expect my daughter to become a prima ballerina. What I do know is that if I were to survey 100 boys and girls, the assumption would be that the majority would vote for the toys that fit into those gender stereotypes.

If my son were to ask me for Polly Pockets, or if my daughter were to beg for her own hockey stick and goalie mask, I would gladly fulfill their wishes. But until they are able to decide what their interests are on their own accord, why not default to what society deems to be the most appropriate toys for boys and girls? Unfortunately, when faced with a wide selection, we are often forced to choose between one or the other - "boy toys", or "girl toys".

I'm not saying I agree with this - but I'm also not sure how toys could be more gender-neutralized, as I believe the gender division to be more about our perception of the toys than about the toys themselves.

This thought leaves me with a question: do I buy my son "boy toys" because he loves them, or does my son love his "boy toys" because that's what society has deemed to be most fitting for him?

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Can U Belize It?

11/11/11 was Remembrance Day for us Canadians. It was a popular day for many couples to tie the knot. But for the hubs and I, it was the day we packed up our things and left our busy lives behind us as we headed on a Caribbean cruise adventure. 

Our first stop was Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands:

Upon arrival, we hopped into a cab and toured the island of Grand Cayman. We visited the town of Hell (yes, that was the actual name of the town - and they weren't short of "Hell" jokes either). We stopped in the town of Tortuga to sample their famous rum cakes. And we ended the tour with a visit to 7 Mile Beach. A beautiful island with lots of history and friendly and welcoming people.

Our second port was Cozumel, Mexico where we spent the day swimming with the dolphins:

Our guide told us we were luckier than Tom Cruise. He had once paid $18,000 for a one-on-one dolphin interactive experience. My husband and I were able to do to the same for significantly less. We spent 45 minutes with our little dolphin friend "Ego" - just the two of us. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience!

Stop #3 was Belize:

We hopped from our cruise ship onto a catamaran which whisked us away to a beautiful snorkling location. We explored the underwater wonders of the world's 2nd largest barrier reef. We drank rum punch (lots of rum punch), and spent the rest of the day on the island of my dreams - Bannister Island. It was paradise - I couldn't Belize my eyes!

Our final port was Mahogany Bay in Roatan, Honduras:

We shopped the craft markets, and joined our friends for a guided island tour. We went to the Iguana farm where we fed hundred of iguanas, and visited monkeys and turtles. We went to the island's highest point where we enjoyed a 360 view from the top of an old lighthouse. We visited the small towns where we were surrounded by local people and immersed in their culture. Upon our return to the port, we were caught in the biggest torrential downpour I've ever experienced!

We had pina coladas, and we got caught in the rain. Could you ask for more on a tropical vacation? It was perfection.

5 flights (landing in Chicago, Tampa, Denver, Portland and back to Vancouver) and 5 cruise ports later, I'm home sweet home. We had a fabulous time, but nothing tops the feeling of seeing your babies for the first time after 10 days apart.

Sweet November

It's been a great week in my world, and the month is only going to get better from here!

I'll start with another phone photo dump, because I love me some Instagram. 

The week began with a fabulously relaxing and much-needed pedi, drinks and dinner date with some girlfriends from work. I enjoyed some pampering, some delicious boozy drinks, and my favourite thing to eat - a big steak dinner. Perfection.

Tuesday was all about giving back. Once a year my employer sends us out into the community for Live 2 Give Day. We pick from a list of charities and organizations and spend the day lending a hand. My pick for this year was to work with the Canucks Autism Network, an amazing group of people whose focus is to bring awareness to the trials and triumphs that come with raising children with autism. Their mission is to provide high quality recreational, sports, social and vocational development programs for individuals and families living with autism. A very enthusiastic and inspiring group that I hope to work with again very soon!

The rest of the week was filled with late nights at the office, as I prepared for my upcoming (and much-needed) time off.

My week was wrapped up with a day at the hair salon where I tended to my neglected frizz-head.

The rest of the month brings adventure, my birthday, and my first Christmas party of the year. Stay tuned for lots of stories and pictures! In the meantime, enjoy some snapshots of my past week.

My Life in Dreamland

As I was getting my kids settled into daycare this morning, I paused and took a moment to observe the parents around me. Like me, they were rushing around, heels clicking, dress pants swooshing as they tried to hurry their children into slippers, hang jackets in cubbies, and unload lunch bags into mini fridges. They gave crooked smiles as they promised their children they'd see them soon, that they'd have a fun day and would "see mommy soon". I watched a mommy friend as she tried to soothe her toddler. The little girl burst into tears, desperately grasping her mommy's pant leg while screaming "don't go mommyyy". One of the teachers scooped her up and tucked her into a loving embrace while nodding for the mom to go. 

And then it happened. The thing that many of us working moms work so hard not to do. My mommy friend burst into tears. I could tell she had reached her breaking point. We try so hard to choke back the guilt, to convince ourselves that our children will be happy without us. And they really are good once we leave and they get settled into their daily routines. But that doesn't mean that it's easy to do.

I spent the rest of my day at work thinking about my priorities. Why do I put myself through these mornings where I can't bear to part with my children?

In my dreams, I would work 4 days a week, and for shorter hours (10-2 would be nice). I would drop my daughter off at Kindergarten, chat with the teacher for awhile, and then head out to a fullfilling job. Maybe I'd be helping people in need, or working as a successful writer. I'd be passionate about my work, enjoying every moment of my working day. I'd also be very financially successful (even though I wouldn't be doing it for money because I'd love my work so much). I would rush out of the office in time to pick up my daughter from school, and would have enough time to play with my children before starting dinner. I wouldn't be as rushed, wouldn't feel guilty, and wouldn't burn out, because my life would be perfectly balanced.

Does this idealistic and balanced life exist?

Linking up with Pour Your Heart Out.

Phone Dump #1 (Wordless Wednesday)

I'm still new to the iPhone world, but so far, I'm loving it! Because I love taking random shots throughout the week and playing with them on Instagram, I'm going to use my Wordless Wednesday posts to share them all with you. Enjoy!

Why I Don't Miss My High School Days

Time for another Monday Listicles Linkup with one of my favourite bloggy mamas, @NorthWestMommy! This week's topic is "write a post dedicated to your high school years".

I've decided to do a list of 10 Things I Don't Miss About My High School Days:

1) My bushy eyebrows. My eyebrows rivalled Oscar the Grouch in brow density. My friends couldn't stand the sight of them any longer, so they pinned me down, lathered my face in Orajel, and plucked away. It took 3 hours for them to finish the job.

2) Being labelled. Awhile ago I wrote a post about being labelled in high school. I went through so many phases one would think I was having an identity crisis! Immature geek, trouble maker, class clown. I did my time wearing each of those hats (and more).

3) Teacher trouble. It was tough enough having to abide by the rules of the parental unit, but the teachers were an even bigger challenge! Apparently they didn't like that I was a chatterbox who spent classes passing notes and cracking jokes. I can't imagine why that would bother them (eye roll).

4) Rollercoaster crushes. I like him, but he doesn't like me, he likes her. But he's so cute. But he thinks I'm not. She has big boobs, that's probably why he likes her. (Sob) I love him, I can't live without him, why doesn't he love me? My life is over forever. Oh who's the new guy, he's cute!

5) Frenemies. One minute you're best friends with someone, and the next  you're not speaking and you're taking turns spreading rumours about each other to make new friends. You buy "Be - Fri / st - ends" two-piece heart-shaped necklaces, then you toss them and move on to someone new. Oh the drama!

6) Body image insecurities. I was so insecure about my scrawny frame. My knees were so knobby, and my elbows buldged at the joints like the skeleton in science class. People called me a q-tip because I was so skinny, topped with a circular afro hairdo.

7) Parental dependence. I really don't miss relying on an allowance, and rides from my parents to spend time with my friends. It was so much harder to get into trouble when my parents were driving me from here to there, asking for parents' phone numbers and setting strict curfues. I guess in hindsight that was the whole point!

8) Dreadful homework assignments. I hated homework. I did everything I could to get out of doing it. Essays, pop quizzes, math equations. Awful! I still have nightmares about final exams!

9) Braces. Yes, I was a brace-face. I had them for most of my high school days, and not only did I have the metal kind, but I loved decorating them with (gasp) rainbow elastics. I had a jaw stretcher and a retainer too. Let's just saw that my mouth was a hot mess. 

10) Indecisive and unfashionable hairstyle choices. I know we've all made some bad choices about our hairstyles, especially in our high school years. But braids with beads? Triangle-shaped afro hair parted in the centre so that I looked like a young Mexican boy? Inch long curls to emphasize my Oscar brows? Just. Not.Cool.

This will be a test to see if my BFF reads my blog - if you do G, don't hate me for posting these pics!

Do These Spots Make My Ass Look Fat?

Check me out, livin the life - pre-babies

They call me Keyla (short for Tequilla), and I'm a Dalmatian (duh, obviously). I know I'm cute, but after 9 years with my parents, looks don't seem to matter anymore. The honeymoon's over for this dog. I'm no longer the baby, and I frickin' hate it.

I used to live a charmed life. Doggy treats, extended walks, human-bed cuddles. The whole sha-bang. Hungry for a treat? All I'd have to do was batt my eyes, wag my tail, maybe throw in a little "sit", and BOOM. Treat in my mouth. I didn't care about strange noises or stranger danger. Why would I? I wasn't a guard dog, I was a freakin' pet. I was livin' the life, my friends. Little did I know, it would all come to a screaching halt.

My mom started to get really fat. I didn't know what was going on, and I wasn't going to judge, cause hey, I didn't want to sound like an ungrateful bitch. She just got fatter and fatter, until one day she came home with this freaky looking mini-human. Suddenly it was "shhhh no bark!" and "you take her for a walk, I'm nursing the baby". WTF. Who was this mini-person taking over my family?

The thing got bigger, and I have to admit, she kinda grew on me. Lots of snuggles and kisses, and she seemed to like me despite my resentment. OK I thought, I can share my parents with her. For now.

Then my mommy got fat again. This time I was no dummy, I knew what was coming. BOOM. 9 months later, yep, another mini-human freak baby. In. My. House. Another one? I knew I was going to be chopped liver. Third on the list.

The boy's starting to grow on me too, and I have to admit, I get a tinge of satisfaction when he grabs my ear and gets reprimanded by the parental unit. Better him than me right?

I'm adjusting, taking it day by day. I know they still love me but things will never be like they were in the beginning. I still live a happy life, but I have to work for the attention I used to have all to myself. It's a dog's life.

And those kids? I love them, but how would you feel if people dressed their kids up like you for Halloween?

Totally. Humiliating.

Linked up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. The prompt: A day in the life of your pet…how bad do they have it?