Label Me This

Today I'm linking up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

The Prompt: What's your stance on 'labeling'? Were you labeled as a child? Have you labeled your own children? How do you feel about this?

Growing up, I went through many phases, but the labels didn't really come into fruition until my high school years. In grade 8, I was labeled as an "immature geek", dressing in matching outfits with my bestie at the time, wearing braces, coveralls, hair scrunchies and lacy ankle socks. Instead of chasing boys and stealing kisses, I was having sleepovers, watching girly movies, and sleeping with stuffies.

Grades 9 and 10 were my rebellious years. I would say I was labeled as a "trouble maker", dressing in oversized torn jeans, short tight tops, wearing dark lipstick (I still remember the name of the colour I wore, it was "Toasted New York"). I wore steel-toed army boots and hung out in the parking lot with the skaters and the skids. I smoked, I swore, and I challenged authority.

In grades 11 and 12 I toned it down a bit, and my label shifted to "class clown", cracking jokes, gabbing, giggling and passing silly notes in class. Talking loudly, studying seldomly, trying to get a rise out of my teachers and an applause out of my peers.

When I think about the phases I went through in my teen years, I realize that although I was the same person all the way through, I allowed my insecurities to control me, I became a follower because I wanted to be "accepted".

I'm a confident woman now, I'm happy with the person I am perceived to be, and I am even happier with the person I actually am on the inside. My insecurities have disolved, and have been replaced with confidence. Confidence in who I am, and confidence in the way others perceive me to be.

My children are still a bit young to be defined by labels. I hope that I can teach them how to love who they are, to be themselves, and not to follow the lead of others who want to influence them negatively.

It is the ignorant people who choose to label, to judge people on how they dress or act. Through the years, I have worn a variety of labels, but I was and always will be the same person on the inside.

"You see us as you want to see us...  In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain... ...and an athlete......and a basket case......a princess......and a criminal...Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."

What was your label in high school?

Fall Flashback (Wordless Wednesday)

It's time. Time for the rain-falling, cool-breeze-blowing, fuzzy-sweater-wearing, hot-drink-sipping, crunchy-leaf-throwing, scarf-wrapping season that I love. It's time for Fall.

Summer Tweets

Inspired by Stasha @NorthWestMommy's Monday Listicles meme - 10 Things Summer 2011, I've decided to summarize my summer by listing 10 of my favourite summer tweets!

Don't forget to check out the topic for next week's Monday Listicles linkup - you'll find it at the end of my post!

1) "Kudos to the loyal Vancouverites who are outside right now volunteering their time to clean up our city. Those are the real fans." - June 16, 2011

My summer started off on a bit of a low point. We were this close to winning the Stanley Cup for the first time in franchise history. The month of June was packed with late work nights, epic hockey wins, and high hopes for the organization for which I work. We lost the final game of the series, and my beloved city broke out into devastating riots. My tweet reminds me of the unity that my city demonstrated - people from all walks of life united and devoted their time to cleaning up the city. It was an epic outcome to an otherwise tragic event.

2) "When I call you to wipe my bum, I only want to have to call you once, OK? - #shes4" - June 25, 2011

This was the moment when I realized that my 4-year-old princess had become a completely different person (Sassy McSasserson) - this was when I discovered the Forking Fours. From this tweet on, the attitude only got sassier.

3) "It was a beautiful sunny day and I was at the best party of my life with my favourite people. 5 years ago today, I became a Mrs." - July 15, 2011

This was when I was celebrating 5 years of marriage (and ten years together) with my wonderful hub hub. A pretty special tweet moment indeed.

4) "The entire building smells like cotton candy and sound check is underway. Ready to pop my Katy Perry cherry!" - July 19, 2011

I was in no way a fan of Katy Perry, but I had won tickets and was in dire need of a girls night out. I took my bestie and we had a fab time! Katy was impressive, and my opinion of her has changed ever since. I'm still not a huge fan, but I respect her work.

5) "Best site to use when starting a blog? #needacreativeoutlet #technicallychallenged" - July 21, 2011

This was the day I had decided to start my blog - and what a great decision it was! Loving every moment of my new bloggy life, and looking forward to writing many more posts.

6) "Parade, sunshine, ice cream cones, street dance party, air show, fireworks, pony ride, face painting, concert in the park... #awesomeweekend" - July 24, 2011

We took our little family to Gibsons (Sunshine Coast of BC) for an epic weekend of family fun. Wish we could do it 100 times over.

7) "Just finished my very first blog post, check it out: Bits of Bee - A Bit Of Bee's Background" - July 29, 2011

My first tweet from my new blog-related Twitter account, and my very first blog post. Only 2 short months ago. Wow.

8) "I wonder when my kids will figure out that the "music truck" that keeps driving past our house, is actually an ice cream truck #illnevertell" - July 30, 2011

Holding on to the last thread of control I have over what my kids eat. Yes, I may be strict, but what they don't know won't kill them right?

9) "Saving snails and sharing food means I'm beautiful on the inside. - #shes4" - August 25, 2011

The moment I realized that my 4-year-old princess was still in there, she had just taken a bit of a hiatus for awhile.

10) "I thought yesterday was a great day, but today totally topped it! A full day on the boat with the family. #nothingbetterthanthat" - September 11, 2011

An important day worldwide, but also an unforgettable family day for us. It was also our last official summer weekend of fun and we enjoyed every minute of it.

And now it's time for crunchy colourful leaves, cozy knit sweaters, Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Halloween costumes, and Fall boots! Don't forget to linkup with Stasha to share your Summer 2011 listicle (button below).

And now, I'm so excited to have been given the opportunity to choose the topic for next week's Listicle! In honour of my love for quotes, I thought we could make next week's list topic:

10 THINGS QUOTABLE

I can't wait to see what everyone comes up with!

Why I Would Make A Kick Ass Cop

Dear Sir/Madam,

Although you may find that my resume is laden with professional experience in the fields of marketing and sports sponsorship, I am optimistic that you will consider me for this important role once you review my expansive skill set. I have spent over 4 years working as an undercover (although somewhat unofficial) "bad cop" and therefore feel as though I would be a great fit for your squad.

In reviewing your posting, I see that you are looking for someone who has the ability to enforce the law. I spend many hours of my day ensuring that the people in my care maintain their status as law-abiding citizens. With the assistance of my partner ("good cop"), I have successfully taken control of hostile situations, ensuring that the acts of crime have been terminated by the guilty parties. Crime prevention has been a big part of my undercover role.

I have experience in surveillance, as I have developed (over time) the unique feature of having eyes on the back of my head. I am able to see all disobedient actions, and to react promptly using effective enforcement tactics.

I have the physical strength required for this role, which I have developed through my experience wrangling small people with bull-like might into tight-fitting clothing. I frequently chase little ones for long distances, and I always win. I am also able to carry 40lbs with ease while performing several important tasks simultaneously.

I have extensive experience in investigation and interrogation. I am able to resolve any mystery through proper questioning and research techniques. I am able to question a perpetrator in such a way that the truth is revealed each and every time.

I would be the ideal "bad cop" because I enforce rules regularly and consistently. I use a firm tone to emphasize my message, and I correct inappropriate behaviours until they are suitable. I work well with my partner, and am able to provide a balanced chain of command to those I lead. I serve and I protect, and I am committed to this role wholeheartedly.

Most Sincerely,
Bits of Bee

My Little Mermaid (Wordless Wedneday)

Because when our little girl spontaneously decides she wants to swim, we drop everything and head to the ocean. For us, this was a big deal.

Meanie Mamas

Alot of my strength comes from my supportive circle of friends. Nothing has helped me through this journey through mommyhood like my fellow mamas. We've vented about our challenges, we've laughed about our ignorances, and we've gloated about our children's milestones. We've shared advice, and welcomed each other's unique stories and parenting decisions with open arms. I don't regret any of the decisions I've made as a mommy, and have kept an open mind about the decisions of other mommies I've met, so why are some mommies so quick to judge?

I'd like to think that the intention is not to hurt, not to sting me with their words, yet some of the comments I've received have stuck with me, tucked themselves away deep down in the depths of my core, unaddressed, unresolved. I'm hoping that by bringing some of these comments out into the open, I'll help fellow mamas to be more careful about their choice of words, because we're here to support each other, not to shun each other's decisions.

On having had a c-section delivery:

"I'd hate to have a c-section, I believe in natural delivery. I'm going to do what it takes to do it naturally so I can have the whole experience of childbirth."

Yes I had a c-section. I had one because I was almost 2 weeks past my due date. I had one because I was out of fluid and my baby was no longer safe. I had one because my baby was huge. I had one because when I did reach full dilation, and after I had pushed for 2 hours, I went back down to 9cms. I had one because my baby flipped on her way out and the doctors were worried that I wouldn't be able to deliver her safely. It was an emergency situation, it was a major surgery, and it was in no way easy. I don't believe that I've missed out on the "whole experience of childbirth" as the experience is different for every woman, and each experience is equally monumental. I'd love to have given birth naturally, but for me it was simply not an option.

On having circumcized my son:

"Uggh. I could never harm my child like that. I couldn't handle inflicting pain on him, especially for no reason at all!"

I did not do it to intentionally hurt my child. I made the decision based on a lot of research, and health problems that have affected people who are close to me. It was a tough decision, and it's not one that I regret. It wasn't an easy procedure, but the pain was temporary. I completely respect other mothers for their decision to avoid this procedure, and I hope to receive the same respect in return.

 

On being a career mommy:

"I don't know how you do it, I could never handle being away from my children for that long, I would just die. Don't you worry about missing their milestones? Their first steps, first words? How many hours a day do you see them anyways? It must be just terrible!"

I admit that I don't only work for the financial benefits, I work because I love my career, and I love being a working mom. I was raised by a working mom and I only have fond memories of my childhood, so I don't feel like I'm doing any harm to my children - nor do I feel like I'm connecting with them any less. At the same time, yes I miss them, I miss them terribly. I sometimes question my decision to return to work, and I often ask myself if I've made the right decision. What I do know for sure is that although I love my job, I love my children even more.

"She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along."

~Margaret Culkin Banning

My intention with this post is not to be a meanie mom, or to seek sympathetic support, I just think that people are sometimes guilty of speaking before they think (I know I'm guilty of it). If I were ever to say something that caused someone to hurt or to question the choices they've made, I would want someone to let me know.

Big Macs & Babies

Last week was a crazy busy week at work, so when a work buddy suggested a quick run to McDonalds to grab a bite, I happily obliged. I only allow myself to "hit it" about once every 6 months, and for good reason (which I will not get into detail about here for fear of losing readers).

About half an hour after we had gobbled up the junky meal, my work buddy began to groan and moan. His sounds and movements gave me flashbacks of my hours of labour with my first baby. It seemed to hit him in waves - one moment consoling us with "it's ok I'm good", followed by "oh god, it hurts so bad". This pathetic experience made me think about the comparisons between what us ladies go through when birthing human lives vs what poor men (think "man colds" aka "pooor babies") go through when having Big Macs at Micky Dees.

It begins with temptation. For mamas, it might be the sight of a newborn baby cradled in a new mother's arms. The sight might initiate a little rumble in the tummy - the "I think I want one" feelings. For the hungry dudes, it's the sight of the golden arches, or the smell of the greasy fries that initiates the "I'm gonna hit it" feelings of desire. Cut to the next scene where we get preggers and they hit the drive-thru.

The next stage is the instant gratification. For us, it's the blissful pregnancy stage where we rub our tummies, share the good news, daydream of the day our new little babies arrive. For them, it's the sinking of their teeth into the hot pile of Big Mac deliciousness. Gulping it down in three bites while groans of satisfaction sneak through their lips.

The following stage is the "what have I done" stage. This is where the real parallel comes into fruition. For us it's the intermittent labour pains. Cramps, groans, the inability to push full sentences out in between unbearable contractions. For them, it's kind of the same, although in no way comparable in terms of intensity.

The final stage is the “erasing of all memories of the bad parts” stage. For us, it’s the feeling of holding our babies in our arms for the first time. The pains of labour a distant foggy memory, and the outcome a blessing. For them, it’s the moment their bellies are once again empty, and a pass by the golden arches occurs once again.

Wash, rinse, repeat. You get the drift.

Mama Don't Know Shizz

I love a challenge, so when I received this week's writing prompts list from Mama Kat, I decided to combine two prompts: "Locked out" and "Advice to new mothers". Hope I can make it work!

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I had done lots of babysitting, I had been a nanny, and I had helped my mom run an infant toddler daycare centre. I was convinced that I knew it all - I would say I was almost cocky about it.

I would see frazzled moms trying to discipline their misbehaving toddlers and I would roll my eyes, convinced I could resolve the problem in minutes if I were in their shoes. I was the huffy jerk on the plane who would shoot accusing glares at moms who were unable to quiet their children. I would shake my head at moms who firmly grabbed their children by the arm while hissing through their teeth, "you're embarrassing me" - dragging their children away with such force that their toes were barely touching the ground.

"I will never raise my voice or let my kids act out in public like that" I would think to myself. "My kids will never talk back to me or eat sugary treats" I vowed.

Now that I have two children of my own, I'm willing to admit that I didn't know SHIZZ about parenting. There is no way to know - no way to prepare for the journey that is mommyhood, until you've lived it firsthand. I've been the mom in a store whose toddler is flailing and screaming on the floor. I've been the mom who hisses, "your behaviour is UNacceptable" while dragging my child out of a public place. And I've totally given my child a treat solely to avoid an embarrassing moment at a public gathering.

The fact that I had no idea what I was doing didn't set in until my first child was about 3 months old. Suddenly she wouldn't settle - I couldn't get her to sleep! She wouldn't stop crying, wouldn't let me put her down, and wouldn't sleep for longer than 1-2 hours at a time when she did go down. I tried everything and nothing seemed to work. I just kept trying different things, and everything I tried failed.

The feeling hit me hard. I felt disoriented, dizzy. It was like arriving at your car only to realize that you have lost your keys. How will I get to my next destination? At what point did I lose my keys, and how did I not notice? Where will I go from here, without the comfort of having this vehicle to drive me from A to B? That knowledge I thought I had been armed with was lost, and I was left to navigate my way without a map.

My advice to new moms is simple: there is no way to prepare for the journey that you face. You will get helpful tips from other mommies, and sometimes they'll help, but most of the time, you will be left to figure it out on your own. And you will. Every child is different, and every challenge is new. There will be roadblocks at every age that will leave you feeling like you've lost your keys, but you will find your way, and you will succeed.

Bits of Bliss (Wordless Wednesday)

This is my bliss. This is where I send my mind when stress is about to bubble through my ears, or when I'm working late and missing my little bits. This is what I imagine my Heaven will look like. This is where I want to spend my every waking moment.

Change Ahead

Today's post is inspired by the Monday Listicles topic of the week - "change", and by the phenomenal weekend I've enjoyed with my family - which has renewed my positive outlook on my busy but precious life. I'm going to start my week by focusing less on venting about the things I cannot change, and focusing more on changing my attitude towards the things I can.

C is for the chores that just keep moving down the list
H is for the hamper that is continuously remissed
A is for the adult time I neglect to enjoy each week
N is for my nagging and my constant need to speak
G is for the girl and boy I don't get to see enough
E is for the evenings that are sleepless, long and rough

A is for the awesome job I go to every day
H is for the happy times when with my kids I play
E is for the enthusiasm I'll try harder to maintain
A is for the amusing things from my busy life I gain
D is for the devoted wife and mother I will always be,
     and for the delightful things in my life that make me a positive Bee :)

A Beachin' September Saturday

After a torturous Friday night from hell - which included such events as bathing my dog 3 times in a row after she had been stink-sprayed 2 inches from her face by an angry skunk at midnight, coinciding with an inconsolable toddler who cried continuously from 11pm until I finally managed to get him down at 3am - I needed to recoup with a Saturday afternoon at my happy place.

As always, I sat back and inhaled the fresh air as I watched my beautiful family enjoy this lovely spot we visit often, only 10 minutes (by car) from our house.



We left the beach with smiles on our faces, and our skin kissed by the sun. The stresses of the night before slowly dissolved, replaced by the sounds of kidlet giggles and happy faces. The cherry on top of our delicious day - when my daughter handed me this heart-shaped leaf and told me that "I will have her heart forever". *swoon*

Practice Makes Patience

I've figured it out. The reason why my kids listen to my husband and disobey me. The reason why I have this terrible, uncontrollable habit of interrupting when I'm in a heated discussion. The reason why I secretly don't think I could survive the heroic 24-hour-a-day task of being a stay-at-home-mom. My problem...is that I completely lack patience.

"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."

                         - Margaret Thatcher

I'm the kind of person who sends an email (or posts a new blog post) and then immediately checks my email for replies. And then I check again. And again. I don't buy lottery tickets because I don't like having to wait to find out if I've won - so I buy scratch tickets. I need instant gratification.

I don't have an ounce of patience for repetition, so imagine when my kids are constantly trying to get my attention like this: (Family Guy - Stewie "Mom" Scene) . Let's just say Lois' reaction was tame compared to mine.

When I'm out at a restaurant and I'm ready to order, I have to bite my tongue and sit on my hands to prevent myself from yelling at the server or raising my hand to get their attention. I know, brutal right?

So what can I do to cure this terrible disease? How can I practice patience when my impatience seems to be an involuntary habit?

I'm serious people, your advice would be greatly appreciated. Now please. I'm serious, don't make me refresh this post 100 times to see if I have any new comments...

"Said woman take it slow - Things will be just fine -You and I'll just use a little patience."- Guns N' Roses "Patience"*

* This video totally cracks me up - I can't believe I was 11 years old when this came out, this song rocked my world.

Before 5

When I was 5 years old, I was adopted (for the whole adoption story check out THIS POST). It's something I've known about all my life, as my parents were always open and honest with me, and something that has never bothered me as it has always been a part of who I am.

As my daughter approaches 5, my feelings about my adoption and my past are starting to change. I had never thought about my earlier years - the life I had lived before I was 5. My life with my adopted parents was so wonderful, and the memories so vivid and precious, that I had never even thought to venture deeper into the memories of my past.

I have recently reunited with my biological father, and he has lots of great stories about our earlier days together - how I acted, what we did together, things I said and did. I love hearing his stories, and reuniting with someone who made me is surreal, but what bothers me is that I don't have any memories from my earlier days. I can't remember anything from before I was 5.

In the last (almost) 5 years, my daughter and I have created so many special memories together, we have developed an indescribable bond, and enjoyed so many new experiences as mother and daughter. The fact that I can't remember any of those years from my own life suddenly leaves me feeling devastated. Will she remember the times we've shared together up until now? Will the memories I've created for her fade and become forgotten once she's grown?

I've decided that there are a few key things that help children to maintain their childhood memories.

Stories. Most children grow up with parents who retell stories of when they were young. Silly stories, sad stories, detailed stories that keep their memories fresh in their minds.

Photos. Being surrounded by photos of your early days, your memorable moments, and the special people in your life definitely keeps the images from the past alive.

Consistency. Surrounding your child with a loving and constant support system definitely keeps the mind fresh and the memories alive. It's easier to retain early memories when the people who were present in your life at those times are still present in your life today.

I think the trauma of being uprooted to a new family - without stories, photos and the consistency of having the people who made me in my life - accounts for why I don't have those early memories. I'm going to do my best to ensure that my children remember everything - I'm going to retell stories, I'm going to take hundreds of pictures, and I'm going to ensure that they are always surrounded by loving and supportive people as they grow. I want them to remember everything, and I pray that they will.

My Life As A Dog (Monday Listicles)

Today I'm linking up with @NorthWestMommy for her Monday Listicles meme. The challenge: 10 Things Animal. To mix it up a bit, I'm going to use animal-related comparisons to describe the challenges I face on a daily basis.

1) Trying to get my toddler to sleep is like trying to catch a mosquito - it's challenging to do, it takes a lot of patience, and you don't want to quit until you get the job done.

2) Trying to discipline my 4 year old is like trying to get a dog to stop chasing a squirrel - they will wiggle around and avoid making eye contact with you, they don't care what the consequences will be as long as they get what they're after, and they will stay focused on their goal until it is obtained.

3) Trying to balance my life as a career mommy of two is like trying to balance on one foot, on top of a galloping horse, blind-folded, while juggling three fire-lit rods, behind your back, with one hand.

4) Trying to get me to play Polly Pockets while I'm blogging or tweeting is like trying to get a cat to play fetch when it's napping in a sun spot - after a long day of chasing mice.

5) Trying to make dinner while I'm at home alone with the kids, is like trying to run through an open field surrounded by hungry lions, with arms full of raw meat.

6) Trying to drive through rush hour in my city, is like trying to navigate through a herd of sheep. Blindfolded sheep. Brain-dead sheep.

7) Trying to talk to my husband while he's browsing Craigslist is like trying to convince a parrot to say a really tough word ...like "communication" (lol).

8) Trying to keep my daughter's room clean is like trying to keep a pig shiny and pink.

9) Trying to watch In The Night Garden in its entirety is like trying to stand in front of a grizzly bear without screaming or running away - it's terrifying as hell, it's totally impossible, and it'll give you nightmares.

10) Trying to get me to turn off the computer while I'm writing a new post is like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. No need to explain - this one is literal.

Parenting in Playland

I used to be this kid. Grinning from ear to ear, carefree and having the time of my life at Playland (our local annual carnival for those of you who don't live in my 'hood).

But yesterday, when the hubs and I took our 4 year old to my favourite childhood destination, it dawned on me. I could no longer run enthusiastically from ride to ride, dragging my parents behind me. I could no longer stuff my face with cotton candy, and candy apples, and carelessly wipe my sticky fingers on my pants. I was the parent. I had to worry about "staying close to mommy", and "waiting patiently in line", and taking a break to "eat something for lunch". And as I looked around, I observed many people like me, possibly thinking the same thing.

Instead of throwing my arms in the air while flying down the wild descent  of my very first roller coaster ride, I was standing in a lineup with several other parents, guarding our bags and waving (jealously) at our kids who were having the time of their lives. Instead of screaming with excitement, bouncing out of the ride and off to the next, I was running to catch up - bags and wet ones and snacks and oversized toy prizes flying behind me. I felt like a herd of sheep, running with other parents to relieve our children from the rides that we couldn't join them on, wrestling with the worn straps while trying to free our children from one ride so we could rush them to the next.

As I climbed into the flying elephant ride with my little girl, I glanced at other moms and we shared a discerning look, wondering how we were going to squeeze our child-bearing hips into the small elephant seats.

As we strolled through the games section, I caught the eye of another mom who was being dragged to a $20-a-toss games table by her 2 little boys. We shared an eye-roll-head-nod as we were pulled past stuffies and fishing games and ring tosses, our wallets spewing money at each game that passed.

It was a blast, it really was, but being a mom in a place like Playland, pales in comparison to the fun and excitement of being a kid.

Totally worth seeing her smile, even though I look worn and tired!